"Paper Pregnancy". We now fully know what the phrase means. With our adoption of Austin, there were many forms to fill out and files to be filled. We had DCFS case workers regularly visiting and documenting. Therapists were regularly visited and paperwork was processed. Lawyers, both ad litem and for us, completed documents and we signed at the "x" repeatedly. But all of this occurred over the span of 22 months.
Now we are dealing with an agency that is not a "government" entity, who is working with federal agencies, and processing forms for both domestic and foreign government offices all in the span of a few months. Honestly - it feels like a series of tidal waves have hit our home. We are just getting the initial shock wave of documents and fees dealt with and in motion and we are already bracing for the next wave which we can see on the horizon.
As this is being written, I almost laugh out loud because in God's perfect timing, Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane comes across my play list.
You're not enough
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
We often forget that our Father is providing and looking out for our every need even when we aren't aware of them. Jesus reminded us of this just before giving us the example of "perfect prayer" in Matthew.
“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
Matthew 6:7&8 ESV
In conversation, friends and family have asked us what our soon-to-be adopted daughter thinks about us as her family to be - what her reactions have been. They are shocked when we tell them she doesn't even know we are pursuing her. Due to stipulations both stateside and in China, the knowledge that a family has initiated the process of her adoption has not yet reached her ears. She is completely unaware that she is in the process of being rescued from the life of an orphan into a family that loves her. All she has ever known is life in an orphanage and by her reckoning, she may only guess that this will be the norm proceeding towards an uncertain future.
We want so badly for her to know, for her to have that illumination of hope and joy that she is loved and has value. We can't wait for that knowledge to come to her. We can't wait for the day we get to usher her off of native soil towards her new home to her forever family. We have a lot of work to do to get to that point, but we relish the notion that the day will occur.
My bride and I were discussing and she very wisely pointed out that this is not unlike so many of us. How many have fretted, worried, and wrung hands over life's uncertainties? It may be financial. It may be health. It may be relational. Most of us at one point or another have allowed the pit of fear to swallow us and cover us over until we could see no help, no rescue, no way out. Despair lives in that darkness. Hopelessness dwells there as well. People lose touch with their humanity in those depths and in that ink of isolation exists a devil's playground where fear begets fear. Desperation begets desperate actions. Faith is lost as frailty becomes focal.
And how quickly we forget the words above "your Father knows what you need before you ask him". Just as with our daughter who is half a world away, our Father is already in motion. He is already moving mountains on our behalf even when we aren't aware of it, even when all we can see is the storm directly around us. Our rescue is already occurring even before we call out for help. In fact, he initiated it before any of us even called upon him as Father in the sacrifice on the cross. And one day, those who call him Father will also leave native soil to join our forever family.
These are the joys of a rescue unknown.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
See the picture above? Most would look at this picture and see four young people/children in a rural American setting post harvest. Nothing special, nothing that stands out other than their charm, good looks, and the seeming abundance of pink in the joyful announcement centered in the photograph. The sign is obviously focal as we excitedly share with the world the amazing news that we are embarking on the journey of a lifetime - we are bringing our daughter home from China!
What most fail to see or even know is that this picture is filled with impossibilities. Impossibilities made possible. God is present all over this photo. In fact this photo screams of his miraculous intervention over the course of decades. Protection is present. Restitution is present. Life snatched from death is present. Rescue from abuse and trauma is present. Deliverance is present. Unexplainable healing is present. Special needs overcome is present. Love from neglect is present. Family is present.
And now, a small girl from China has made her way into our hearts. By no means did we ever dream of venturing to this nation. We joke - "Want to know where God will send you - tell Him where you're not willing to go!". Years ago when our hearts were earnestly seeking his will for adoption we were certain international adoption was our calling...in Africa. We wanted nothing to do with domestic adoption, the "mess" of foster care, or DCFS.
Fine, but we'll only adopt, not foster.
...and God laughed. And then he held our hearts as we wrapped our arms around small wounded souls.
Alright, but at least we'll never venture towards Asia - it's so, well- it's so foreign.
And then we met her- our daughter to be. She is precious and has been written of before (Behind the Eyes). Her name literally means "little jade". She has difficulties. Some might label them impossibilities. That word means very little to the God who made the photo above possible. Consequently it means very little to us. We both knew in the depth of our hearts that this is where next steps are leading...
And so, with our Father smiling down on us, blessing us, and speaking peace to the waves of fears that are already rhythmically washing upon the shores of our home - we now find ourselves wading into the currents of adoption again. Paperwork breeds paperwork and emails are now almost daily exchanging between agencies and ourselves. Forms and fees are becoming as breathing as both domestic and foreign government offices must be satiated. Sleep is strained as we now begin to dream of foreign lands, notarizations, and fund raising. And ever present - joyful expectancy.
New friendships are already being forged as God is moving people and mountains to bring our daughter to us. Never underestimate the love of this Father. He will move the earth to bring a single child into family. He gave his only child to bring each of us into his family. Regardless of the effort my bride and I are putting forth in this, it is He who is orchestrating and making possible the impossible. He relishes the impossible.
And because of this, we will soon have our "little jade".